Tag Archives: love

Being gracious in all things

I’ve noticed in the past several weeks leading up to and following the election in the United States, two things that I’ve found to be quite ironic as an outcome of the election.

The first idea, being that there have been a large portion of people on either side of the debate prior to the election have called for civility and to put an end to ignorant name calling if their supported candidate won.

Prior to the election, many Democratic supporters of Hillary would suggest that people shouldn’t vote for Donald Trump because he is a racist, sexual predator, whose methods of garnering support have come from name calling and defaming his opponents among other things. These same supporters also suggested that should Hillary win, Trump supporters should graciously accept the result and not protest in response to the outcome, as Trump admittedly stated that did he not win the election, he would have sought to contest the results of the vote.

Conversely, Trump supporters would suggest that people shouldn’t vote for Hillary because she was a murderer, a thief, a liar and was the epitome of evil. Likewise, I believe they felt the same things as the Democrats believing that should their candidate win the election, they should bow out gracefully.

The second idea comes as a result of Donald Trump winning the future presidency. All the calls for civility, name calling have been for naught, and division in the united states have seemed to not only continued but possibly escalated.

There were violent and destructive riots and protests by many who opposed a Trump presidency. These people were in protest out of fear that they felt would come as a result of a presidential candidate that ran a campaign that focused on some racial tensions that have come out of the war in the middle east. Liberal news outlets reported hate crimes that targeted visible minorities and immigrants. People were physically and verbally attacked for their religious beliefs, and the colour of their skin. Fear among these communities were rising as these reports flooded out over social media. These same people called those who voted for Trump ignorant, stupid and a plethora of other names with negative impact.

On the other side of the spectrum, those who supported Trump were excited to say the least, but the decorum that they called for pre-election was still nowhere to be found. They called for civility among the Clinton supporters, and asked that the name calling and mud flinging stop. They felt justified in their decision as their candidate of choice won. However, they did not exhibit any form of graciousness as they did exactly what they sought the the other side to stop doing. Thousands of posts on social media are vilifying those who supported Clinton, calling them ignorant, unintelligent, cry babies for not “graciously” accepting their defeat. The irony here is that there is need to be gracious not only in defeat but in victory as well.

I admit at the beginning of this post I had a clear direction of where I wanted to go with this, but as I’ve been writing and have begun to think through my points, the more directions I want to take this. So I’ll, try my best to sum up why I started this post to begin with.

There are  high tensions due in part to Liberal and Conservative media outlets. People go to the respective news source looking not for truth, or opinions that oppose their views but to find affirmation of what they already believe. They find exactly that in all the “articles” they read from their respective media outlets. The “truth” they want to find is all there in black and white. What many fail to see beyond this truth is that there are people involved. So wrapped up in being right, that people fail to see the reasoning behind all the protests, name calling and lack of civility. Millions of liberal/democrats are hurt and afraid and they want to know that their world will be safe, but they don’t get that sense of security from the conservative/republican side. All they have gotten were things like “suck it up, you lost”, “protests show your intelligence” and other hurtful things that have fueled their actions. Many conservatives now have a sense of pride from winning, but in doing so have over looked the fact that the other side is experiencing these feelings of hurt, fear and sadness.

While I can only offer what I would suggest to be a call for more graciousness and civility in all things, I doubt my influence or audience would be wide enough to make a change. People will continue to be persecuted for their beliefs, called ignorant for what they feel they know, and vilified for standing up for their own good. This makes me as an individual sad for our collective existence of humanity.While I know this article does not represent all democrats/republicans, or liberals/conservatives, it does represent the loudest voice among those same groups. While they may be the minority, sitting back and allowing these things to happen is (although cliche to say so) just as bad as saying them yourself. We need to remember that there are people out there who need love, who need to feel safe, who need to know that their opinions aren’t ignored and heard. While we may disagree with what the other side said, we need to be civil in how we listen to each other, how we work with one another, so that we may move forward in building up a future we can all be proud of.

I’m probably too idealistic in thinking this, but I will do my best to listen to those who need someone to listen to and spread as much love as I can within my area of influence.

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I’m a mess

I often  wonder why we meet the people we do. I will be incredibly genuine and candid about what I’m feeling right now. I feel really lost, really confused and I feel like complete heap of emotions. I never really understood that feeling when people say they’re sick to their stomach, they’ve experienced a heartache so bad it hurt physically or even crying till you have no more tears to cry. That was the case until tonight.

I’m in love, and being in love is great. But it’s a double edged sword because the greatest highs come with the potential greatest lows. I’ve hurt the one I love because I’m irresponsible with myself, and those around me. I can’t manage my life let alone hope to be with someone who has direction in life. Wandering through life is tough, and most people manage to stumble and get through with a few bumps or bruises. I on the other  hand have come to a standstill, my life has no direction. I see several goals and places where I want to be, but I’m crippled by options and choice. I’m here writing because it’s my refuge, my space, where I can just let my feelings out. My writing here in inconsequential to the grand scheme of life, as most things I do are. But some things I do, have significant impact on others. I question myself constantly and wonder why it is that I can’t manage to do even the smallest things that will lead somewhere, the path seems so simple. Just walk down it. It’s brightly lit, with guide posts along the way. Yet here I am, unable to do it.

I can only watch as she continues on down the path, one day I will catch up to where she is now. It might be too late by that time, for diamonds are often the ones that get snatched up by those who notice it as more than just a rock. I don’t know, I’m still reeling from what happened. I feel sadness, I feel confusion, I feel lost, and I know it’s no one’s fault but mine. The pain is starting to dissipate, or maybe I’m just numb to everything I’m feeling, probably the latter as I feel intense grips at my heart whenever I think about anything.

I need to figure out my life before I can bring anyone else along for the ride. I know a love like this won’t go away, nor do I want it to. I deserve this hurt and pain I feel and that’s all I know at this point…

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What does it mean?

Whatever happened to the days of the past?
I often think back and reflect on these things as I ponder my life
Life that brings people in and out of our lives
Laughter that is shared with those same people through experiences with them

You never really notice those whom you’ve had an effect on
Only those you feel you haven’t changed or influenced at all
Ultimately we never understand the scope of people in our lives

Gone are the past, when the experiences we’ve lived shape who we are
Old memories slowly slip into the place where thoughts become nostalgic

Times past are fun to relive, but looking forward is how we should perceive
One slice of our lives we share with one another

Futures often are unclear, sometimes filled with despair, others with hope
Everyone sees things a bit differently but the world continues on
Remembering those important people in our lives
People we love, cherish and honour

With every bit of our existence
Intimately we bring people into our lives
Trusting that God will help bring us happiness through them
Happiness found with those we love are invaluably important to our existence

Meaningful relationships are the things that every person wants deep within
Every person longs for them, and only a lucky few are able to find them

Jumping into something unknown brings excitement
Once someone reaches your heart, they never leave
Reminding us why we go through this mortal existence
Days are hard but these relationships and people bring meaning to our lives
Another reason why it’s important to always press on
Never giving into the despair that looms all around

Don’t ever take for granted important people around
A moment with someone you love can live with us forever
Volition compels us to want to be with these people
Independent of time, when we’re with them we feel at peace
Every worry goes away, as we strive to be better because of them
So what will you make of things with those you love?
?

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Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

Over the last little while, I’ve noticed a lot of people post a lot of things about relationships, about their significant others in my social networks. There are others that are generally just be lovey dovey and cutesy with their partners in public, holding hands, kissing, making out etc. Now, I want everyone to understand that I am not a cynic about love and romance as this post may make me seem as such. What I will say is that while it’s fine to be in love, a majority of people don’t care to see obsessive public displays of affection or PDA.

There are two main things that I want to gripe about right now, the first being the physical exhibitions of PDA. I understand that couples are in love wish to share their love in a physical way however, much like most things in life, there is a time and a place for everything. I am okay with a simple kiss, some hand holding or hugs, but anything beyond that is obsessive for me. What I’m talking about is those couples who are adorably in love and want to make sure that you and everyone around you know that they’re in love. They’re the ones that have no shame making out in front of people, or who are so hot for each other that everyone else around them just becomes a nuisance to their expressions of love. The reason why these people bother me so much is not because they’re in love as I am pro love, They bother me because it almost becomes inconsiderate how much or how far they’ll go to express their love for each other. Lots of individuals who are single don’t need to be reminded of their singleness by seeing these people. I think the key here is moderation. For example, water gun fights are fun for everyone involved. You bring your little super soaker, and you shoot each other and everyone has a jolly good time. How I equate excessive PDA in this scenario is people who choose to ignore the unspoken guidelines of bringing a water gun to this fight, and decide to go all out bringing a firetruck hooked up to the street  hydrant to blow anyone out of the water.  Ok that’s a weak example but that’s how I see excessive PDA on a physical level.

The second excessive use of PDA is the social media love explosions. The posts that appear to be seemingly cute and adorable are actually bombs of disappointment waiting to happen. These couples set unrealistic expectations of the concept of love. You know the ones I’m talking about, the posts that show their undying love for one another, and often equate their love to some fictitious story like Romeo and Juliet (which, in my opinion isn’t very romantic). Don’t get me wrong here either, I’m not saying people shouldn’t express their love for each other through social media, I think there are appropriate times to do so, but the ones I’m talking about are people who post on the daily how much they are in love. How they can’t live without each other, or how they just want the world to feel how grossly into each other they are.

Maybe I am a bit of a cynic when it comes to matters of the heart, or maybe I’m just tired of all these people being too far in their efforts. Moderation is all I’m asking for. If you think you’re one of these people just tone it back a bit. You can be that much in love with another person but just keep it to yourself. The rest of the world doesn’t need a humble brag about how much you love each other. But that’s just my opinion.

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How not to go about finding the one… Or finding A one.

I’ll preface what I say with this quote from President Ezra Taft Benson:

“Now, brethren, do not expect perfection in your choice of a mate. Do not be so particular that you overlook her most important qualities of having a strong testimony, living the principles of the gospel, loving home, wanting to be a mother in Zion, and supporting you in your priesthood responsibilities.

“Of course, she should be attractive to you, but do not just date one girl after another for the sole pleasure of dating without seeking the Lord’s confirmation in your choice of your eternal companion.

“And one good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1988, 59; or Ensign, May 1988, 53).

As YSA sometimes we focus too much on trying to find that Disney ideal of prince charming or finding your princess on the first date. There are many people I’ve gone on dates with that have many qualities that are important to me and for one reason or another I haven’t been able to commit to anything beyond a first or second date. I realized why this has been a case because of some experiences I’ve had lately.

The first reason why I haven’t been able to connect or commit to anyone I’ve dated in the past while has been because I was always expecting some perfect situation where there would be sparks and things would just fit. This unrealistic standard was unfair to many of the people I went on dates with. While I had fun on each of my dates and there was definitely room for the relationship to grow. My unwillingness to recognize the potential for a great relationship in them was a huge stumbling block for me.

The second reason why is because I had a positive view of my own self-worth (pride). I will always be the last to admit it, even if I am very aware of it, but I am often very prideful. What I mean is that I often feel that because I have such great qualities I think that any girl would want to date me (at least that’s what happens in my head). This way of thinking is unhealthy to me and those I date because I evaluate them on a scale based on how I see myself, to see if they measure up to what my “standard” is. In retrospect I believe that many of those whom I terminated relationships with are much better than I am. To avoid being overly self deprecating I’ll leave it at that.

The third reason why I haven’t been able to connect with anyone is because I didn’t allow myself to be vulnerable. I was always closed off and kept myself in a safe secure place emotionally. While you might not think this is bad, to protect yourself from harm and being hurt emotionally. This type of behavior doesn’t allow anyone to enter emotionally either. I equate this to being in a castle with friendly visitors wanting to enter but not letting down the draw bridge. I know the reference is antiquated, much like a draw bridge requires work done to open it, for a budding relationship work too must be done for it to grow into something deeper. When I did this, these girls I dated were literally at the door waiting for me to open up and let them in. My actions effectively closed the door to progress in a relationships before it had any chance.

There are a lot of other things that I have discovered about myself over the course of the past few years with regards to dating. One of take homes from my minimal life experience is to just take risks, put yourself out there and don’t be afraid of rejection. I have been rejected more times by myself before I have even given others the chance to accept or reject me.

Is this a sure fire guide to relationship success of course not, I’m single. If it were then I wouldn’t be single. I still have things to learn, but most importantly I will be moving forward with what I have experienced and putting myself out there. Wish me luck guys.

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New Starts Galore!

Well, I’ve done this (starting over) many times and I never really feel overly motivated to do it regularly. For some reason this time I feel much more motivated than before, having said that here is the poem I promised for today. Don’t expect much… I haven’t done this in ages. But leave some feedback, I know there are things to work on with this poem, I sort of threw it together in 20 minutes. I didn’t originally plan for it to have this form but it sort of grew this way. If you want to know more about why I wrote this or want to discuss with me about the poem. I’d be happy to share, just let me know. I will try to post a new poem each week, along with other musings in this blog. Maybe this blog, for now this is my medium of choice. Enjoy.


 

Is Love Lost?

 

In this world of tumult and pain,

anger, sorrow, contention,

sadness and hurt beyond mention.

Will there ever be love again?

 

Fighting and violence throughout all the land

friends become enemies in heat of the battle

as cannons explode causing houses to rattle.

Can we not love so grand?

 

Blinded by hate or by differing opinions.

Aggression runs deep in the human condition.

Can there be love, should we make it our mission?

Following blindly, are we mere minions?

 

Do we need to see another holocaust

before we realize the worth of a life.

Is compassion replaced with the wielding of a knife?

Some might gain power, but at what cost?

 

Is Love Lost?

 


 

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Unmotivated – Learning by Example

I really admire all those people are always motivated to do this or that. As of late I’ve found it incredibly hard to get myself to be motivated for anything. I know that I shouldn’t sit here and do nothing but I lack motivation. You know what’s the difference between a genius and the average person? I think it’s intelligence, but not in the “I have a high IQ” manner. Rather it is the ability to be persistent and consistent with regards to work and to be passionate about it. I just watched an episode of Seth Macfarland’s Cosmos where it told the store of Claire Cameron Patterson, a man who was passionate with regards to his research to determine the age of the Earth. He spent over 2 years trying to perfect his research methods to find the most accurate way to use lead isotope dating to determine the age of samples of zircon. In the end he helped to not only solve the puzzle of the age of the Earth but he also created the first clean research lab through his endeavors. This was a man that was passionate, motivated, consistent and persistent with his work.

I suppose this all pales in comparison to the greatest example of persistence and consistency in His life.  He was always loving, caring and kind in going about His Father’s work. Coincidentally this weekend happens to be one of the times of the year where Christ is often remembered more than any other time. As it is Easter weekend, I was reminded of Christ’s loving example. He has never faltered and set the perfect example for each and every one of us to follow after. It is in his perfect life that we all know to what source it is that we can progress towards, and how it is that Eternal life can be achieved. Laziness and being unmotivated is not the path towards Eternal glory, it is in and through our Faith leading unto works that we can be on the path towards true discipleship in following the Son of God.

I know I have a long road to go but trying to emulate those examples that have come before me will hopefully help me to become greater than I had ever thought possible and stronger than I ever believed I could be. As I follow His will, I will do all I can to become a better disciple of Christ. And so as this Easter weekend winds down, I will always try to remember and never forget the sacrifice that was made so that I could over come my weaknesses be who my Heavenly Father had planned for me to be. But every journey must have a beginning, one step at a time…

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