Tag Archives: life notes

Overcoming the impossible

The title may be a bit misleading as what I’m trying to accomplish or going through isn’t really impossible per se, rather it’s an obstacle in my path of accomplishing what I want to accomplish in life. A lot of what I’m facing is really personal to me, as in they aren’t things that are influenced by an outside source. At times it really seems impossible to get through but I know that’s just a mental issue that I need to work through by trying to accomplish small things. There are a lot of pressures I feel personally as a writer, a creative, and in general I guess. The thing is that a lot of these pressures I feel are placed upon me by myself because of all the great things I want to accomplish and or become. This leads me to wonder and question a lot whether I am capable of doing such things at all, let along with the help from people around me. I think this is one of the reasons why so many people these days struggle, because of stresses and pressures that are imposed on them from either society or from within as is my case. I haven’t really been too open with everything I’m going through because well it’s just not something I’m used to. Really what is happening is that a lot of the times people such as myself, don’t know how to reach out to others. I’ve been accustomed to the fact that men should be strong willed, and asking for help is a sign of weakness. That isn’t the case by any means, but… maybe these are just excuses as well. I’ve begun to make little changes in my life, doing small things and while I am by no means perfect in everything I’m doing I’m making that effort, slowly but surely.

In any event, my journey over the next few months will be critical in determining my future. No pressure right? Ha!~

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How not to go about finding the one… Or finding A one.

I’ll preface what I say with this quote from President Ezra Taft Benson:

“Now, brethren, do not expect perfection in your choice of a mate. Do not be so particular that you overlook her most important qualities of having a strong testimony, living the principles of the gospel, loving home, wanting to be a mother in Zion, and supporting you in your priesthood responsibilities.

“Of course, she should be attractive to you, but do not just date one girl after another for the sole pleasure of dating without seeking the Lord’s confirmation in your choice of your eternal companion.

“And one good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1988, 59; or Ensign, May 1988, 53).

As YSA sometimes we focus too much on trying to find that Disney ideal of prince charming or finding your princess on the first date. There are many people I’ve gone on dates with that have many qualities that are important to me and for one reason or another I haven’t been able to commit to anything beyond a first or second date. I realized why this has been a case because of some experiences I’ve had lately.

The first reason why I haven’t been able to connect or commit to anyone I’ve dated in the past while has been because I was always expecting some perfect situation where there would be sparks and things would just fit. This unrealistic standard was unfair to many of the people I went on dates with. While I had fun on each of my dates and there was definitely room for the relationship to grow. My unwillingness to recognize the potential for a great relationship in them was a huge stumbling block for me.

The second reason why is because I had a positive view of my own self-worth (pride). I will always be the last to admit it, even if I am very aware of it, but I am often very prideful. What I mean is that I often feel that because I have such great qualities I think that any girl would want to date me (at least that’s what happens in my head). This way of thinking is unhealthy to me and those I date because I evaluate them on a scale based on how I see myself, to see if they measure up to what my “standard” is. In retrospect I believe that many of those whom I terminated relationships with are much better than I am. To avoid being overly self deprecating I’ll leave it at that.

The third reason why I haven’t been able to connect with anyone is because I didn’t allow myself to be vulnerable. I was always closed off and kept myself in a safe secure place emotionally. While you might not think this is bad, to protect yourself from harm and being hurt emotionally. This type of behavior doesn’t allow anyone to enter emotionally either. I equate this to being in a castle with friendly visitors wanting to enter but not letting down the draw bridge. I know the reference is antiquated, much like a draw bridge requires work done to open it, for a budding relationship work too must be done for it to grow into something deeper. When I did this, these girls I dated were literally at the door waiting for me to open up and let them in. My actions effectively closed the door to progress in a relationships before it had any chance.

There are a lot of other things that I have discovered about myself over the course of the past few years with regards to dating. One of take homes from my minimal life experience is to just take risks, put yourself out there and don’t be afraid of rejection. I have been rejected more times by myself before I have even given others the chance to accept or reject me.

Is this a sure fire guide to relationship success of course not, I’m single. If it were then I wouldn’t be single. I still have things to learn, but most importantly I will be moving forward with what I have experienced and putting myself out there. Wish me luck guys.

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Filed under Advice, Dating, Life, Love

Consistency is the Key to Success

Over the past few months I’ve been struggling with what I want to accomplish in life, how I want to go about doing it and have been facing some minor difficulties in moving on with my life. I don’t think that this is a huge revelation to anyone, I believe the key to success isn’t necessarily being great at one time, but being consistently good at whatever it is you desire to be successful at. Scores of individuals accomplish great feats at some point in their lives, and they achieve some level of success, but often fade shortly thereafter. The success I speak of is a long term, long lasting variety, in a manner in which individuals make an impact to the world. Okay, maybe not the world, but their direct community or area of influence. It may have been ambitious of me to try to post on a daily basis for a month, seeing as how I barely post every month. Part of my lack of consistency is a general lack of direction and desires – another post for another day.

There are many people who are seen as great in their respective fields, people like Michael Jordan, Picasso, William Shakespeare, or Steve Jobs, and the like (not a definitive or absolute list of great people – just the first names that came to mind). The reason they are considered great is not only because they mastered their art/trade/skill but because they were able to perform at a high level consistently. Think for a moment and try to think of 10 world record holders. I have probably seen a few here or there, and they often are in some sort of spot light when they accomplish a feat of greatness, but for the most part many are forgotten in whatever they do. The ones that are remembered are always the ones that are able to refine their skills to a point where they are able to consistently perform at a high level, and those are the ones that are able to achieve success and greatness.

What I’m learning about myself is that I lack consistency, or rather once I do build up some steam or some level of consistency I tend to shy away from things and regress. Well I will have goals and aspirations but for now I will continue to try to be more consistent in my life and take things one step at a time.

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Self Improvement

Well what can I say, I haven’t been the greatest at doing this blogging thing, but I will say I have recommitted myself to blogging at least once a week. Self improvement I’ve realized is an on going process that must never stop. Once you feel you’ve done enough then you must do even more because you’ve become complacent. Once that happens, things can only go down from there. I’d love to change the world today but I am only one blogger, with lots of big ideas but not enough time. What I can and will do is blog at least once a week, on various topics that I feel are relevant to me and my life or things that I feel can influence or help others with. Having said that, I should throw the disclaimer out that I am not a professional or anything, just a blogger with a little bit of time on his hands, to post my musings and share them with all those whom will hear me. I will walk this road they call life, to one day pass by all the glories and wonders along the way to my final destination, being the home I wish to return to. Slowly but surely, day by day, line upon line, precept upon precept… I won’t change over night but I feel that this is what I need to do. With God’s help all can be accomplished. 🙂 Well Cheers for now, and goodnight. It’s almost 4:30am… I said I was going to sleep 3-4 hours ago

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