I’ve been quite obsessed lately about determining the value of things, whether it be monetary materialistic things like groceries, clothing, or cameras, to investments of time like education, improvement of artistic crafts, or other ways I spend my time. Is this a fruitless waste of time? Probably, so why not just experience life as the cliche so often is referred, “live life to its fullest” and not worry about worth and value?
I think that one of the reasons why I’m so obsessed about all these things is that in my pursuit of “living life to its fullest”, I want to live my optimal life, as far as I am able to. But this obsession with value, leads me to some negative thoughts at times, and I feel as if maybe I’m not living my life or using my time in a way that is valuable or worth it. If I feel my life could be better why do I not change my circumstances, learn a trade, practice my talents and skills, or seek to improve my life through consistent work and learning? Maybe in my thoughts I do not give value to that which should be of worth. I’m losing sight of the long term goals and I’m seeking for temporary enjoyment or short term fulfillment. Does short term fulfillment inherently mean that you must give up on your long term goals? Or can short term goals lead to the long term ones? No I’m not saying you must choose one over the other because there may be many short term goals that can lead to your long term desired outcome for whatever you’re seeking to do. I just seem to be going in every different direction at the same time and much like the dialogue between Alice and Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland which goes,
Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, “What road do I take?”
The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Alice answered.
“Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?”
My circumstance is a result of my not really having a clear direction in which I seek to head. I worry too much about failure. In that worry, I lose out on opportunity, I miss chances or opportunities to succeed, and I end up investing/spending/wasting my time doing things that ultimately are of no worth or are fruitless. Yet, I continue to do so. Why? Because some of these things bring me short term happiness. Is it worth it? In the end I think any way you choose to spend your time is worth it for everything which we do will ultimately help us learn and grow, one way or another. We learn through success, and we also learn through failure. I may continue to fail for another period of time, but maybe one day I’ll learn my lesson and find ways to find worth in my life. For now, I feel this investment of time in writing this post was worth it to me.