I’ve been quite obsessed lately about determining the value of things, whether it be monetary materialistic things like groceries, clothing, or cameras, to investments of time like education, improvement of artistic crafts, or other ways I spend my time. Is this a fruitless waste of time? Probably, so why not just experience life as the cliche so often is referred, “live life to its fullest” and not worry about worth and value?
I think that one of the reasons why I’m so obsessed about all these things is that in my pursuit of “living life to its fullest”, I want to live my optimal life, as far as I am able to. But this obsession with value, leads me to some negative thoughts at times, and I feel as if maybe I’m not living my life or using my time in a way that is valuable or worth it. If I feel my life could be better why do I not change my circumstances, learn a trade, practice my talents and skills, or seek to improve my life through consistent work and learning? Maybe in my thoughts I do not give value to that which should be of worth. I’m losing sight of the long term goals and I’m seeking for temporary enjoyment or short term fulfillment. Does short term fulfillment inherently mean that you must give up on your long term goals? Or can short term goals lead to the long term ones? No I’m not saying you must choose one over the other because there may be many short term goals that can lead to your long term desired outcome for whatever you’re seeking to do. I just seem to be going in every different direction at the same time and much like the dialogue between Alice and Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland which goes,
Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, “What road do I take?”
The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Alice answered.
“Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?”
My circumstance is a result of my not really having a clear direction in which I seek to head. I worry too much about failure. In that worry, I lose out on opportunity, I miss chances or opportunities to succeed, and I end up investing/spending/wasting my time doing things that ultimately are of no worth or are fruitless. Yet, I continue to do so. Why? Because some of these things bring me short term happiness. Is it worth it? In the end I think any way you choose to spend your time is worth it for everything which we do will ultimately help us learn and grow, one way or another. We learn through success, and we also learn through failure. I may continue to fail for another period of time, but maybe one day I’ll learn my lesson and find ways to find worth in my life. For now, I feel this investment of time in writing this post was worth it to me.
I have a problem with being consistent with my posts, and well most things to be honest. Although, I have big ambitions, I don’t always and mostly never follow through with my plans. I’ve realized that most of my downfalls can be attributed to the fact that I always become so engrossed in my huge ideas that I lose sight of the small steps and little accomplishments I have made to progressing to my goals. I also feel hopeless when my ultimate goals are so far away from where I am that I just shut down. One thing I’ve decided to do to continue towards achieving my goals and not giving up is to not only celebrate the small milestones, but to also remember that I need to keep taking small baby steps forward even when I tumble and fall backwards in my progression. I logged on to this blog tonight originally to post something but I didn’t really have anything in mind. As I looked through the analytics of the paltry handful of visitors I have (I really appreciate you all! I fall into the trap that social media and the internet brings of likes and shares meaning popularity), I noticed a notification “You’ve received 100 likes on your blog”. For some this might not seem like a lot, but for me at that particular moment, it gave me an immense feeling of elation and gratitude for all those who browse random blogs and have found something of worth or value in this one. My musings are more often than not streams of consciousness that I rarely edit if ever, maybe a word here or there, but that happens on the fly. So I don’t usually see any meaning in what I write, and I’ve stated this before, this blog is mostly for me to have a space where I just muse to myself. I do appreciate all of you people who do take the time to read, like, comment and share (although I don’t think many people share this). I gives me hope that maybe, I am making a difference in the lives of strangers (albeit a really small insignificant one probably). I’ll never know the impact I have on others, or whether I even have any impact on people at all. Maybe that’s how life is supposed to be, just go about doing good, regardless of whether or not you make a difference in the world. Go about chasing your dreams despite any negative thoughts you may come across. Move forward with the belief that you’re being honest to yourself and your God (should you choose to believe in a higher power). As long as you keep taking small steps, celebrating the little milestones, never stopping your journey forward towards whatever drives you and your passions.
I’m sure I’ve written on this subject before but I can’t recall specifically when, so I’ll write on it again as I feel that this is something I should do or else I won’t do it at all. Over the past little while I’ve been struggling with motivation and I feel that all my accomplishments or things I’ve created in the last year or two have been very much uninspired, especially when I compare it to how I felt about my work in the past. I struggle a lot with being consistent and I feel that’s a big part of being motivated. Maintaining consistency seems to be an attribute that all successful people have. I say it’s an attribute because it doesn’t seem that consistency is possessed by the general population, or maybe it is. Some people just have positive habits of consistency like persistence, hard work, etc. Others possess negative habits of consistency like procrastination, laziness, etc.
I think that my struggles have been leaning towards the former as I don’t feel like I am productive and it impacts my confidence. Like most negative habits, it starts slowly but snowballs out of control leading to things like lack of confidence or depression and the like.
One thing that I have noticed that has helped me is to act on a thought, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it may be, as soon as you can. Or if you can’t act on it right away, write it down, to be completed once you are capable of doing so. This is one of the reasons why I’m doing this blog post right now, as it was a thought of mine to do, as a means to help me work towards doing more productive things in my life.
Motivation can be from outside factors like family, friends, work, etc. But I find that the strongest most lasting motivational factors must come from within. It is a strength that pushes you forward, to keep going when things get hard, and to never give up despite the outward appearance of a situation. Being motivated also is linked with inspiration, as the more motivated a person is in accomplishing something, causing more thoughts to flow freely sparking the creative side of their mind to come up with solutions to problems at hand. This all is probably nonsense and menial ramblings of an uninspired person. My hopes are that this leads me to find what motivated and inspired me in the past so I can bring myself out of this slump and or rut I feel that I’m in. So that I can once again create more freely with confidence and feel that sense of accomplishment that helped me to maintain confidence, motivation and inspiration in my life endeavors.