I think that this is as good of a time as any to start up with this blog again… I’ve struggled over the past little while trying to figure out why I haven’t been able to be consistent with my writing on this blog. It’s something that I felt and really wanted to work on but for whatever reason I would always make excuses and never really get around to do much, I would get down on myself and well nothing would really be accomplished. It’s not even that nothing will be accomplished, it’s literally nothing was completed. I just would stop working and worry about how much everything mattered, even if it didn’t matter that much. I want to and have these great dreams and things I want accomplished, but it seems as if I’m struggling to even accomplish small tasks. Every day I struggle to find the motivation to do anything. One of the things that makes it so difficult is that I don’t feel as if anything is wrong, but I know that there is something wrong. To escape my feelings of worry and anxiety I tended to find ways of escaping, playing video games, watching endless amounts of media, or just sleeping for hours. It’s something that I know isn’t going to benefit me by not doing anything but even small simple tasks seem hard for me to do. Anything that is remotely productive becomes worrying to me. There are feelings of inadequacy that accompany my mood. It’s kind of hard to recognize because I don’t feel sad like the feelings that are typically associated with depression. Sometimes I wonder is this because there’s something actually wrong with me, or if I’m just lazy. Maybe it’s a fear of success, fear of rejection, or just fear in general. A lot of people tell me to just do it, and they make it seem as if it’s so simple. It probably is but for whatever reason I can’t seem to bring myself around to doing anything. Sometimes I even do things such as applying for work, I get so far as to completing and application then closing it because I’m afraid. It’s just… I don’t really know… Things are just… There’s definitely something wrong with me but I’m working at it… I just don’t know if it’ll be too late to change and make my life better.
Monthly Archives: January 2016