Well I guess the time of the day isn’t indicative of my insomnia, or is it? I was tired while going home, tired when I was getting ready for bed, then I took a shower and I became wide awake. Does that count as insomnia? Or is that just poor day planning on my behalf. Then again when I shower, there is a 50/50 chance of me either being incredibly sleepy to the point of me appearing to be narcoleptic or being wide awake for several hours and throwing off the rest of my day.
Sure enough, my day has been thrown off. I’m lacking energy and I didn’t even finish this post that I started like 9 hours ago. I ended up falling asleep after the sun came up and I’m just experiencing all sorts of tiredness right now. Mental, physical, possibly spiritual too. Sleep is really such a valuable asset, commodity, necessity really. Something I’m severely lacking, especially as of late. I haven’t really had the ability to sleep much of my life, something I’ve mentioned in my blogs before, so this isn’t new to me. It does take a toll on my body and my mood. I once had insomnia for a few months while I was serving my mission in California. It was definitely one of the hardest periods of my life, both being a missionary working all day then not being able to get a full night’s sleep took quite a toll on my mental state during that time. Again I might be going through some bout with insomnia right now… or I just don’t sleep well. Probably not as serious as insomnia.
I wonder if insomnia is caused by a mental deficiency or if it’s caused by a physical weakness. Maybe it’s a combination of both of the mental and the physical that causes insomnia. I’m sure there have been research studies done on the causes of insomnia, for me and what causes it in me is still a mystery.
What happens when I can’t sleep? I often wonder why I can’t sleep, I lie in bed with a million thoughts going on in my head but I’m often unable to distinguish any specific thoughts. Sort of like white noise in my brain, with all sorts of information being transmitted every which way but not being sent to the processing plant of my mind. After this happens for a bit I inevitably get up from my bed and try to do something productive like writing or something to that effect, often turning on music to my soothing sleep songs. This sometimes leads me to be more awake because I begin to imagine myself in different situations as the music takes me to different locations both real places I’ve been to and incredibly imagined ones that probably don’t exist in the real world. In the end I usually end up staying up till the sun comes up. Then struggle through my day as I try to stay awake in a desperate attempt to sleep properly at night. Does this lead to productivity? Definitely not, by the time I got started today it was about 3 in the afternoon, even though I woke up around 10 this morning after sleeping at like 6 something 4 hours earlier. Here I am trying to make the most of the day that for many are finishing up their work day as I write. Sleeping disorders suck sooooo bad. But at least I’m still alive, I could be in a worse situation so I’m not complaining too much.